PDA - Pathological Demand Avoidance, or as some PDAers prefer Pervasive Drive for Autonomy - is best understood as a nervous system disability in which any perceived threat to the child’s autonomy or equality (including from everyday requests, demands, and expectations) registers in their brain and body as panic.

Perceived demands can come from external sources (e.g., direct or implied requests, using manners, following rules) or internal sources (e.g., the feeling of hunger, the urge to use the bathroom, or a child’s own expectation to comply with classroom norms) and all can be overwhelming experiences. The extreme anxiety PDAers live with is cumulative, and distress and resistance can appear seemingly out of nowhere.

When faced with a request, demand, or expectation, a PDA child might respond by ignoring it, saying no, distracting, and/or negotiating. If the demand is not removed, the child will become increasingly dysregulated and escalate to full-blown fight-or-flight responses - an externalized PDAer may yell, hit, or run away, whereas an internalized PDAer may grow quiet and withdrawn or go mute. These responses are NOT emotional or behavioral; they are physiological and not within the child’s control. Just think about how many requests, demands, and expectations - both obvious and hidden - you encounter throughout a typical day and how crippling that is for a PDAer!